Don't get a pet.

I want to sell my dog.

I hate him now.

Earlier I went upstairs to play guitar after finding a nifty lesson on wholenote that inspired me. I found Fluffy sleeping on my bed. Odd for two reasons:

We don't normally have Fluffy in the house, ever. He likes to come in and think he's a lil puppy or something and tear the seat off the toilet and eat the log someone left in it and mark everywhere in the house as his territory.

If Fluffy IS in the house, we don't let him in at night. When we first had him, we'd keep him in and wake up in the morning to find that he went on a treasure hunt through the trash cans. Also, we pretty much only have him for security. We're the only house on the block that has never been broken into, simply because no one wants to wake up a sleeping rottweiler.

I woke Fluffy up. He growled. He doesn't trust me. Every time I come near him, he thinks I'm taking him outside. I don't trust him either. Every time he think's I'm taking him outside, he tries to remove some of my genetalia with his teeth. I said "Fuck you" to Fluffy and plugged in my guitar, which scared him enough to leave, but not before spewing some diarhea on the floor.

God damn it.

After using a dust pan to clean up his mess, I decided to go back downstairs. I found Fluffy rolling around on his back with something in his mouth. I rubbed his belly a bit until he spit out the object in his mouth and went to mark his territory on the couch.

It was my Metallica baseball cap.

My $23 Metallica baseball cap.

Ripped to fucking shreds.

$23 probably isn't much to you rich cocksuckers, but that's like a weeks worth of groceries to me. Plus the sentimental value and all that bullshit.

Staying calm, I went to the next room, found my Dark Tire Iron of Fury, and went back into the living room to swiftly and silently end Fluffy's life.

He was lying on his back, chewing on a sock.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't beat that face in.

At least he didn't eat his own poop and try to kiss me this time.

ahaha $23 for a baseball cap. A METALLICA baseball cap

Posted by fraggle from 152.78.0.29 @ 07/19/2003 05:33 AM CST

fuck

Posted by tobester from 65.28.227.120 @ 07/19/2003 09:23 AM CST

you

Posted by tobester from 65.28.227.120 @ 07/19/2003 09:23 AM CST

Truly a sad story Of Wolf and Man. I suppose your cap is now Holier Than Thou.

Posted by Jon_R from 80.4.212.252 @ 07/19/2003 09:54 AM CST

har fucking har

Posted by tobester from 65.28.227.120 @ 07/19/2003 02:12 PM CST

Just go ahead and kill yourself now. Do it.

Posted by Afterglow from 24.100.80.111 @ 07/19/2003 05:03 PM CST

but not the dog!

Posted by Jon from 194.196.110.14 @ 07/21/2003 11:59 AM CST

Exactly.

Posted by Afterglow from 24.100.80.111 @ 07/21/2003 09:05 PM CST