im savoring socar myles' journal by allowing myself bitesized pieces. however unhealthy it is to find her irresistable, its proof that there are more people to be amazed by than kat. not that i didnt already know that, or wasnt told it on a number of occasions by chris and others, its just theres no point in believing it until you cant deny it. apologies for any of my bullshit that comes out sounding more like a riddle (as kat would tell me) than a coherent thought, im going on 4 hours of sleep, and i worked 12 hours between two jobs, with another 2 hours driving. anyway, i havent felt this energetic in months (i could name the date) and it's not like i have had any time these past couple days to do much of anything but zone out scanning/reading/working.

i also finished that book: htm or txt, and a cover. the major difference between the formats is i surrounded text that was italicized in htm with underscores. and i made a little horiz. rule replacement art. and uh, thats it really.

today i started my gas station job. the time went by fast, and no one there really bothers me. all next week im scheduled for the graveyard shift, which rocks. what does not rock is the fact that im also still working at the toy store (i gave 2 weeks notice) and what has happened is something like this: i work 12-8am sunday at the gas station, 12-630pm at toy store, 12-8am monday gas, 8am-4pm toy. so for all intents and purposes this gives me no time to sleep for two days. thats practically four straight shifts. itll be a lot of no doz and some serious health damage, but ill get through it. oh yeah, theres no way im ever getting fired from this new job. one kid routinely falls asleep, even when talking to customers. and its not like a disease, hes just so lazy and one of those sorts of people. another guy just fools around the whole day. i didnt meet either of them today, i worked with all the women and listened to a lot of gossip about the other people there. i dont bother with that sort of thing. i already have the register stuff figured out, though finding the cigarettes quickly is tricky, as im not familiar with some of the brands after so many years of not smoking.

this tv/vcr combo doesnt like the dvd player, so ill be going to best buy or bj's wholesale club to grab another tv el cheapo, that has red/white/yellow rca inputs, and not the crap that doesnt work on this thing. i go to umass amherst to check out the campus, and ask questions i guess. my manager at the toy store went there for four years, so i already know more than what the tour guides can tell me. anything else would require an appointment with an admissions officer and whatnot.

so in conclusion, socar is saucy. i still love kat quite a lot, but im losing interest in playing these games now. mostly because i get the sense that she doesnt want the whole bullshit thing going back and forth. god im not making sense. ok. i could give her various things i write for her, and i know she would read them and probably love them, but i cant (bloody conscience) let the same degree of obsession come across without a sort of disclaimer. on the one hand this is good, because its more of a friendship thing where we dont _need_ eachother, but can still enjoy brutal honesty on many counts. still, its very addicting to play with so much melodrama and (no im not a goth) dark romanticism. fuck me if that made any sense. i think it did but its not like you should care about this anyway heh. the moral of the story is that only very stupid, or vulnerable girls are going to 100% believe in a guys romantic shit (as sincere as he makes it), and the intelligent ones that will play with you in this are far too rare to waste if you think there is a chance of having a true friendship that will truly own. lover or friend; unfortunately women dont learn to compromise for both in one until theyre a bit older (even kat who i generally regard as much more mature than others her age). or maybe im just a total fucking idiot (though by now none of you should take me entirely seriously on anything i say, most of it is just things im still convincing myself of). ok end rant.

oh right, heres that book:

CÉLINE,_Louis-Ferdinand_-_Journey_to_the_End_of_the_Night.rar[txt]
CÉLINE,_Louis-Ferdinand_-_Journey_to_the_End_of_the_Night.rar[htm]
CÉLINE,_Louis-Ferdinand_-_Journey_to_the_End_of_the_Night.jpg