Weblog Entry - 08/12/2003: "Loin Fruit"

So during the tea break at work today the women in the office were discussing getting married and having kids. One of the women, who's about 30 and has been living with some guy for 4 years, said she didn't really ever want to get married or to have children. Later on this got me thinking, why do people have children? Considering the amount of money and effort you have to put into them and the amount of freedom you usually have to give up, why on earth do people bother? So I was thinking about it, and I came up with what I think are the five main reasons why people have children:

1 - Error
Accidental pregnancy is obviously going to be a fairly big one. Couples who don't particularly want kids, but can't read the instructions on birth control properly. Once it's happened they pretty much go "oh well" and put up with it.

2 - Pressure
The accepted view of life says you leave school and get a job, get married then have kids. It's just the "thing to do". People, especially women, face a fair amount of pressure from friends, family and their own partners to conform to this and have children.

3 - Vanity
People are successful and carve out a nice life for themselves. They then have kids in a sort of attempt to clone themselves. They want a little copy of themselves who will inherit their life.

4 - Failure
Similar to the previous reason, but from another angle. People realise they're getting old and will never achieve the lofty goals they once set themselves. They have children both as an attempt to give their lives some greater meaning, but also as a vessel which they can live vicariously through and who can do all the things they couldn't.

5 - Pet
People want a little cute lifeform all of their own. Something that can mother and pour affection on. Basically they want a pet and they'd be far better off getting a dog or a cat. But all their friends have got babies, and you get to have sex while you're getting one. The fact that it's going to grow into a person who'll lie and steal your money to pay for it's drug and gambling addictions doesn't occur to them.

Wouldn't the need to pass on your genes through reproduction exert all sorts of pressures on you through various means that can be interpreted as some of the items in your list?

Posted by arioch from 10.0.0.100 @ 08/12/2003 12:56 PM CST

Nah, genetics just makes you want to have sex. Evolution never figured for birth control.

Posted by Jon R from 81.98.186.89 @ 08/12/2003 12:58 PM CST

For a less flippant reply: I guess it depends, where does biological impulse end and sentient thought begin? Are they even really separate things? Personally I never really liked the theory that human behaviour is governed purely by basic impulses. I would say that yes, the drive for reproduction is an influence in almost all cases, but its not strong enough to override logic and that these reasons still stand independently.

Posted by Jon R from 81.98.186.89 @ 08/12/2003 01:12 PM CST

that's a pretty cynical list. can't you imagine the joy you'd feel when this little person that *you* created makes a logical conclusion based on inputted data? the joy of being a parent is being surprised by how fast the drooling, incontinent mess you gave birth to develops into an entity that is capable of surpassing you in areas that you never could have guessed.

Posted by mewse from 24.79.53.100 @ 08/12/2003 11:17 PM CST

This is the internet age - one day you just know JonR's kids will trawl history/internet/web.archive.org/...
and read this discussion

Posted by Jon from 194.196.110.14 @ 08/13/2003 03:49 AM CST

like he'll ever have kids

Posted by mewse from 24.79.53.100 @ 08/13/2003 05:11 PM CST

actually I believe evolution has built into us not only the need for sex but also the desire for children.

in some ways, having children is the ultimate blind investment. what you are proposing is to invest millions of dollars in financial, physical, and emotional terms, for a period of 18-25 years, with no guarantee that your investment will even survive, let alone have any returning value.

how many rational people would take that investment, if it was put to them purely on a risk/reward basis? very few.

it is curious, though. since life is fleeting, what is the point of living, if not to have children? one could argue that the point is to have a good time; however, this isn't well borne out by contemporary society. recreational drug use is strongly curbed, and there is such a strong demand for productivity, people sign away the best years of their lives in order to put a roof over their own heads. you'd think if life was just one big party, we'd all be fucking like rabbits as soon as possible and burning out into our twenties and thirties. no sense in growing any older than like, 40, where our bodies break down to the point where our own fragility is an impediment to having fun.

indeed, it seems that society and government is mostly founded on the premise of encouraging sustainable population growth. this can be seen through policies ranging from tax breaks for lower income families, welfare, to child discounts. we as a society make it easier for a parent and child to survive than any random combination of 2 individuals where one is counterproductive.

i would think that if the drive to reproduce wasn't planted in the human race (and indeed all living things) by evolution, we wouldn't form governments and societies with such goals. our instinct to survive is tempered by our wisdom to realize that no matter how well we do at eeking out a living, we will eventually fail, if not in a spectacular fashion then simply from old age. our drive to survive then masquerades as the desire to have offspring to invest the fruits of our life's work into, and to live vicariously through, while we become too decrepit to see success ourselves.

Posted by andy from 24.43.103.113 @ 08/14/2003 12:43 AM CST